2010 ♥

• January 1 - 2010 :)
• February 5 - NO MORE SHINY THINGIES IN MY MOUTH! :D heehee.
• February 6 - GB. Dear John. Chimara. Crash! party. Rooftop. Starbucks. The Columns. Hot choco. Shirts. Shirts with faces. Tianzon. V. Sleepover. A-venue. Girls. Swimming. Mcdo takeouts. Late girl night talks. Starbucks. Wristbands.
• February 9 - with Anna. T. Jd. Bin. Cookfest! Balsamic Salad. Youtube videos. My room.
• February 13 to 14 - Cheering competition. Sen10rs :). Bani`s 18th. The fort. Arts in the Park. Toy Kingdom. Kwek kwek. House. Sleep. Turty. Girl talk with mom (=)))))))). 11:00. 11:30 - 3:30. "I think I read too much mangas". "FRIENDS?" =))))))))))). "You can slap me now". "I like you". :D Heehee, yes it's not you! >:P. HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY. :D
• February 19 - sen10rs outbound :) by the bus. Rockclimbing. Rappelling. Riverwading. Zipline. "Uy! Bagay talaga oh!". "I somehow, sort of, in a way, maybe think that I like you". :D Support. Heart to heart talk. Goodbyes. Chapel (it was dark and scary, ok). KP covered court. Gradeschool covered court. Lights. Basketball players. Airplanes. "I like you". :-) GB ride with V. CPK dinner with the girls. MEMORABLE. :)
• March 10 - Miya. Ion. V. Dasma. Extraordinary Measures. Timezone. Dinner.
• March 15 - Batch recollection. SEN10RS :)
• March 16 - sen10rs batch graduation picture taking. Lunch with V and the girls. Crazy heart in GB.
• March 23 - Graduation practice. Sbarro with V.
• March 25 - Girl wars! :O Pepperlunch. Under the rain with favorite people.
• March 28 - SEN10RS GRADUATION :). Two thousand and ten graduate. CSA. Dinner in Marriott Hotel.
• March 31 - Graduation Ball. Shangrila hotel. First, last and somewhere in the middle, V. Greatest story ever told. "We won`t drift apart, pare. We shall make sure of that. Sayong sayo lang si little salt." :D
• April 11 - the Whimpy Kid. Heeheehee.
• April 14 - Aressa's 17th. MOA. Yakimix. By the bay with my favorite people.
• April 23 - Breakfast date with Turty. MOA. V. the Crazies. Purple and yellow. By the rink. ALL SMILES. :D :D
• May 5 - NINJA :-(
• May 12 - Neil. Are. V. My house. Gliceria. One more chance. :-)
• May 21 - MOA. V. By the bay. Memorable. :-) *hugs*
• May 24 - Epic night with Miya and Neil Salaria at the Garden! :D Mcdo. Ghosts. Heart to heart talks. :-) Thank you, Lord, for friends like them! :)
• May 25 - FRIENDS :)
• May 31 - First day of college life! @-) Lea = Officially a college girl! :D
• June 23 - MOA. By the bay. :D Bestfriend.
• July 2 - ".. every hero knows when to give up something important for the world." THANK YOU. :)
• July 4 - ".. and if you're the luckiest person in this planet, the person you love decides that he loves you back." :) :) :)
• July 24 - Gateway. Avatar. Ateneo vs La Salle. One big fight. ANIMO LA SALLE. UAAP. KFC. Ride home with V. SMB. Had the best time! :D
• August 16 - .................. Unforgettable.
• August 24 - Eighteenth birthday at Noriter :) :) :)
• August 28 - 18th debut at the Heritage hotel. :D
• September 7 - First term grades. :'(
• November 5 - Angiogram.
• November 6 - Q's party. :)
• November 19 - ....
• December 21 -Carly's 18th. Greenbelt with the favorite people.
• December 25 - CHRISTMAS! :D :D
• December 27 - Bangkok.

Bangkok, Thailand ☼

It was on the twenty seventh of December, around five in the morning when my phone alarmed. The first thought that entered on my mind was.. screw it. Too early. But, just when I was about to close my eyes again, words such as Thailand, passport, ten thirty flight flashed into my mind. So, then.. off I go.

Before the flight, the family and I headed to have a rushed breakfast in Jollibee inside the airport. Afterwards, we headed inside the terminal, roamed around then eventually decided to just sit down and wait for our flight. While waiting, I played minesweeper (a game I'm starting to be really amazing at, heehee) with my little brother while talking to V on the phone. After a few minutes, our flight number and boarding departure gate was announced over the PA system, goodbyes were said and then, off we went to Thailand. ☼

Our first day in Thailand was extremely spontaneous. After checking in at Baiyoke Hotel, the travel agency booked us a dinner cruise near the Ayutthaya river. After checking in the cruise ship, beside the river, with those really pretty but extremely sungit (or maybe they just don't understand english well..) attendants, we had to wait for approximately 15 minutes before boarding the ship, so we decided to roam around the River City mall first. The mall, itself, was purely for tourists. From the first to the top floor, they have a wide-range of tourist-y stuff such as big Buddhas, elephant carvings, stingray (a kind of fish) products and many more. Things there were really overpriced though, compared to the price you pay for those things in the street market. But, nevertheless, the mall was also quite an experience! :-)

After roaming around the River City mall, we assembled, together with the other co-cruise passengers (from different nation too, lol), infront of the river while watching the big ship park on its dock (!!!!). After some time, we were then guided to our table which was on the middle of the ship, and right infront of the buffet line up (heehee). While waiting for the ship to be filled, the perfomers just suddenly grabbed me out of nowhere, and started to trump their trumpet (I can't even, okay?). It was such a very awkward moment, but a memorable one at that. When the ship was loaded, my family and I, having the privilege of being placed infront of the buffet line up, made our way into the food. :D I was quite excited, because it was actually my first time to dine on a ship internationally, and I wasn't disappointed. Not. At. All. I had the time of my life. Aside from the fact that the food was superb, the Thailand view at night just simply rendered me speechless. The Ayutthaya cruise is definitely something I will try again!! (.. and hopefully, with my boy, too!) :-)

The food line up and the big boat. =)
With the best set of people in the whole wide world. :-) I seriously love this people.

The Ayutthaya Temple river at night. Bangkok, Thailand! :-)

Day two was just as remarkable as day one. We all woke up early to dine on the rooftop of our hotel which is located on the 43rd floor. Can I just say how amazing the view is? :D We actually got to watch the sunshine rise! :-) :-) :-) The food line up was American this time and actually less of spicy, Thai food. After having our breakfast, our tour guide fetched us and brought us to one of the most famous temple in Thailand, Wat Pho or the Reclining Buddha Temple. The temple actually gave me chills. The Reclining Buddha was really, actually reclining.. and the main temple itself is just so beautiful with its vintage patterns that tells the story of the Thailand culture. Afterwards, we were toured around the place and saw different kinds of Buddhas, artifcats, "Cheddis" (home of the dead royalty), carvings, monks (I just have to. Monks vary from kids to old people. Also, I learned that ladies are not allowed to touch monks after they meditate. :O) and many more. I never actually thought I'd be interested in knowing about other religion, but I had so much fun just being there and observing the temple.

At the Wat Pho temple. :-)
After the temple visit, we were brought to a different hotel for another round of legit Thai buffet lunch that left me wondering.. what is it with Thais and their fascination to extremely spicy food? Honestly. I can't even. Anyway, after the lunch, we asked the tour guide to drop us off the Platinum mall. And, we shopped our hearts away! :-) I'm a happy, happy girl. :D

Day 3 was tremendously a rollercoaster day. It started of as us waking up so early again to have breakfast inorder for us to catch another cruise. But then, it turned out that the hotel wasn't able to confirm our space, so we had to move it to the next day. Me, my sister, and my mom went shopping again for a while while waiting for the guide to pick us up. We had a quick lunch in the sidewalk (Our favorite place in Thailand. Ever. Because they don't put too much spice on the food, lol) then was picked up by the driver. The Elephant park is so charming! I swear. I loved seeing those elephants, especially the small ones! :D They are just too cute for my life! :D I got the opportunity to feed them, and I tell you, it was the cutest experience ever. They made me so happy. Heehee :-) We also watched a magic show, an elephant show and a crocodile show (where in the host placed his head and his hand inside the crocodile's mouth.. I still think the crocodiles were fake? :-/). The Elephant park is just too much for my life. I tell you!!! :-) A place where I'd gladly go back again! :D

Afterwards, the Elephant show, we were brought, yet again, to another Jewelry store then, went another round of shopping in Platinum. :D All smiles! :) :) :)

On the next and the last day, we sent ourselves off a whole day Ayutthaya cruise. On the way, we had a stop in the King's Palace. It is, according to them, the palace that the Royal family uses during the Summer. It was a visit of pure effort and walking! But, it was all worth it, nonetheless. It amazed me how the queen, princes and princesses actually have one house built for each person. The houses were really simple though. Simple, but extremely elegant and pretty to look at. The houses were on a circled path, circling the main palace, which is for the king. There is also a lighthouse near the palace that is used for security purposes.

After the King's palace was the Ruins. It was a temple long time ago, that was destroyed by the Burmese invaders. Most of the heads of the Buddhas were stolen, and what's actually left on the structure were broken and random walls. And, the ironic thing is, that's what actually made the ancient Ruins beautiful to me. :-) After the trip to the ruins, we then headed to the dock of the cruise, then we went off to the final and the ending of our stay in Thailand! :-)

After the cruise, we asked the driver to drop us off the Platinum mall, for a last minute rushed shopping, then we headed back to the hotel, and did some last minute shopping again in the market, then we headed to the airport. :-)

Honestly, if you're looking for a place rich in culture and history, Thailand is the place to be! Not to mention their amazing tourist attractions such as the temples, the market, the floating market, the themepark, the elephant shows and many more! Not to mention the market and the malls. Thailand is indeed the center of shopping centers, Heehee. :-) It's just the place to be. What more can I say.

Goodbye. :-)

Change.

The only constant thing in life is change. It's a pretty scary thing, really. You don't realize it, but every single day down to its last second, change is as constant as the air we breathe. You wake up. You brush your teeth. You bathe. You eat breakfast. Then, you're off to your daily routine. You'd start to think of it as a routine, but the truth is, this so called routine is changing you.

So lucky and blessed :)

I don't express myself well to you, because honestly, I have no words for the way you make me feel.

You're mister cranky. You can be very much impatient. You snap, and you have the tendency to run away from me when things go bad. You're mister hot and cold to the point that every day spent with you is a roller coaster day. You are moody, in every single angle and sense of the word. You over-think. By so much. You always debate with me when we fight, and most of the time, I end up being the wrong one. Most of the time, you keep me waiting. You're you.

But then..

You're also mister own-up-to-his-mistakes. You just never stop trying to be a better person. Yes, you run away from me at times, but you never fail to run back to me. You love me with so much care and so much understanding, that you inspire me to also be better for you. You humble me by so much that I just want to keep trying to be what you deserve. You're impatient, and mister cranky, but by the end of the day, you're still and will always be my boy. You're moody, and you over-think, but then, that's when I see that you truly love me. You keep me waiting, but know what? that's when I learn how to trust and how to be patient, because I believe that you wouldn't ever do something intentionally that would hurt me. You debate with me, but truth is.. that's when I feel geared up. You make me feel tough, even during the times when.. I really don't have anything else to give. You pick me up, when every single bone in my body is too soft to stand up. You just.. love me, you know? And when you did, that's when I slowly started to learn how to love you too.

Nothing..

I sat there, and stared at my phone for the 894760672034570354nth time today.

I thought of how Globe has such a perfect reception at the moment, and of how pretty my current android theme is. I contemplated on whether using the full wallpaper home style, or the Sony Ericsson wallpaper home style. I pressed the unlock key, and decided not to push through with it anymore.

Never mind. This is silly.

Inside me, there is an accident. I'm on an accident. At least, that's what it feels like to me. Accident on the edge of falling off a cliff. Fully knowing the feeling of urgency, urgency of what's about to happen, yet, holding on until I can. Holding on with my hardest faith. Even if the thought of being weary, of being tired, of being hopeless by the end of the day is there, I still hold on. My hardest. For what reason? I don't know.

I guess this is how I work. With love. Love at its most ugly sense of the word. It can be tiring, difficult, energy draining, painfully choking, harsh, mundane. . . nothing . . . It can be nothing. In the end, it's just as fleeting as anything on this world. In the end, I'm just here.. begging to feel anything again. Begging to start feeling and seeing something so beautiful and sacred again. Because love, despite of what its worth, is what's making me alive. How ironic.

But for now.. I'll just stare at my phone again. Maybe, just maybe, I'd hear from you this time.

My forever and a day.

So, here's to more good morning text messages, cups of warm coffee, breaks spent playing left for dead, RP adventures, orange kitkats, food just before my 4:30 classes, random mall meet-ups, late night phone calls, tutoring my in accounting,bringing me to Yuchengco, treating me flat tops,bringing my things for me, fighting for me infront of a 150 people crowd right after signing Love Story to meinfront of said crowd, holding me when i'm feeling justso hella low, giving me the best 18th birthday ever,window shopping, web cam sessions, dismissal spent at the yuchengo stairs, blue v-necks to you, and basically, just more, and more,and more, and more, and more of you everyday until forever.
I love you so much, best friend!♥

To you

It's like I miss you, but I don't. I guess that's reasonable considering you've been my companion, through everything.. through my ups and my downs and I never really had the chance to re-pay every affection back to you. You have been such a great part of my life. Fighting for me when I couldn't stand up, catching me when every single thing is going against me, being with me, on my side, even if it meant hurting yourself. You have made me stronger and tougher in ways you can't even imagine. You have given me so much faith in life. You have made me feel so special, and for that, I'll forever remember.

I'm so sorry. I have loved you in my own way. Maybe not the way you would have wanted me to, but I did.. in my own. So here goes. I promise that someday, we will meet again, and by then, you'll be proud of me.

Until then.

Finally made it through the lonely

... to the other side. :)

I am one lucky girl.

As the door closed that separated me from the outside world to my own far-away world, the pace of my heart's beating went twice as fast as it was before. I was nervous. Heck, nervous is the understatement of the year. As I think of all the worst, humiliating things that could happen, I realized I was pacing around. I stopped, and decided to sit down. As I hit my comfortable position, the phone began to ring. Nervously, I reached out and answered it. Call me crazy, but that was probably one of the most nerve-wrecking phone call I've ever gotten. I stood up, paced back and forth, and realized that I have to go. Nervously, I reached to the door, opened it, and that's where everything started. The random flashes, the instructions, the event organizer.. Everything was just so overwhelming. Every step made my heart beat faster than it did before, and I can seriously feel the blood climbing up to my face. This has never been my kind of thing.

As the door that would connect me to my world begins to open, I uttered a little prayer. Thank you. Thank you so much for the wonderful eighteen years. Thank you so much for giving me a support system as wonderful as I have. Thank you for the beautiful dress, for the amazing shoes, for the shiny accessories. Thank you. Thank you for the glamorous set up, for the people surrounding me. Thank you for blessing me with eighteen wonderful and beautiful years. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.











It was one of those moments that every single thing was just damn perfect. I sit there, and with just a single glance around the room, I knew I couldn't wish for anything more. I was being surrounded by everyone who matters to me, and it felt surreal. It was amazingly beautiful. It was one of those rare moments where in the world conspired with me.. And, I am just.. one grateful girl.

Thank you. Thank you for the wonderful songs and performances. Thank you for the kind, sweet, and loving words. Thank you for playing the guitar for me. Thank you for the thoughtfulness. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. Thank you for growing with me, and smiling with me.


To you, my constant and never failing guide, I love you. I could never truly express how thankful and blessed I am to have someone like you as my best friend. You're my sister, my parter-in-crime, my companion. You're always, always, always there.. You never let me doubt myself, and you just bring out the identity in me. Thank you so much. You're a very astonishing and beautiful person, and I love you.


And to you, my baby. You who fought for me in front of 120 special people in my life, you make me beyond speechless. Brave boy, you've constantly taught me that falling in love with you is something that I should never be scared of. You secure me in more ways that you can ever imagine, and I'm just so much blessed to have you in my life. You are beyond wonderful, baby.. You're just the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I just love you with all my heart.

To my always there and ever supporting family, I am nothing with you guys. I hope you know that. Thank you for always picking me up when I'm down. Thank you for always making me feel better. Thank you for just knowing.. and for loving me. My heart is exploding with so much happiness, and I know, I owe this all to you. Thank you. I love you guys so much.

A Letter to Lea: 18 candles

Hi Lea.

Today just happens to be your eighteenth birthday. Happy, happy birthday! Can you believe that? You're finally of age!! First of all, congratulations. You may not fully be the person you wish you were, but don't worry. You'll get there. You're eighteen now! Almost two decades on Earth. Isn't that something to think about? You get to drink alcoholic drinks legally, get married.. you can even get arrested now, which is something that you should probably never ever let happen. You're a very blessed girl, you know. You have a family that loves you dearly - siblings who makes your life colorful and parents who support you dearly. You have your friends, too! Even if you're not that close and comfortable to most of them, you know they'd always have your back. You just maybe have to open up a little. Last but not the least, you have Alba.

Before I proceed with this letter smartly addressed to yourself, let me just write down how important today is for you. You see that picture on top? He owns your first kiss. Yup. You know yourself better than anyone else, Lea. You know, for a fact, that you are insanely in love with him. You know those rare moments when you feel like everything has rightfully found its place? Hands down - it was THAT moment. After classes, he dragged you across the street, right into the coffee shop you've both been wanting to try. There, he gave you his 'well-thought of and sentimental' (well, I shall classify this one for you since according to him, he still have something to give you on your debut!) presents: His number 19 CSA football jersey, a CD of him dancing, and lastly, 3 page hand-written letter. Dear self, just to remind you, you cried so much. It was insanely touching. Alba's letter moved your heart and soul. He gave you that perfect moment. I know, you just turned eighteen.. and there's soooo much more things to see, but let me tell you this: Stay with this boy, always. Never let him go. He is your match, and despite your differences, he is your partner. He will always be.

Anyway, so much for that. Now that you're eighteen, please enjoy life a little more. Please go out there, and take greater risks. Live. Travel. Go to places unknown to the majority. Don't be afraid. Live fearlessly and without regrets, Lea. Lastly, just be happy. You'll turn nineteen next year.. Twenty - the year after next, and it will go on, and on, and on. So hang in there, self! Be young. Be strong. Be you. You're a great person, and I know, you are destined for something great.

Happy birthday, again.

Till then, lucky girl!

The truth is..

• I'm being like this because I'm not sure until when you'll be around. When I told you awhile ago that I want to tour around the world after college, I wanted you to tell me that you'll come with me. I was being silly, I know. But I just get this feeling where in just the thought of being away from you, makes everything suck me up in.
• I'm being like this because I want to be able to trust you fully. And I can't do that if I'm living on what ifs, instead of actually knowing what you think. I want to be able to risk.
  
• I'm being like this because I want to give you the chance to unchain yourself to me. And It's killing me. I never really do understand young lovers when they use the term "forever". It's too cliche and all. But, all I really want right now is your assurance that you would never give up on me.
  

Pre-Graduation Ball Blues

21 days. 504 hours. 30 240 minutes. 1 814 400 seconds.

Today is exactly 21 days after you have stolen the keys to my safe place. I remember sitting with my girls, on our table, being bummed out. Everything was just crazy that night, you know? Crazy in a sad kind of way. It was just then, when things started to sink in between me and my girls. The goodbyes and all, it took a toll on us. Anyway, I remember me and my girls staring into nothing. Every single thing was just a blur. I was lost on my own space until, I heard the microphone in the background, saying that the next song would be the last song for the night. And just like that, my heart dropped. The thought of not seeing everyone again made me feel suffocated. The thought of going out there to the real world scared me. You have no idea. I was lost in my thoughts until I saw you coming to my table. It wasn’t our first dance that night. But seeing you come to my direction made me feel really better inside.

You got my hand, and asked for my friends’ permission if you can dance with me. I stalled, and removed my heels first. Yeah, I’m not the heels kind of girl. We walked towards the dance floor and I remember slow dancing with you. That time, I couldn’t look at you in the eyes. I remember observing our surroundings and making fun of our other batch mates who were, in my opinion, dancing a little too closely. It went like that for us until the middle of the song. I’m not really good with words, and I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to put how I feel towards you to words. Thinking of it now, maybe the reason why I couldn’t look at you in the eyes was because, I was scared of what I’m going to see. You like me, and I you. But, you see, at that time, I knew what I felt towards you, but I was so uncertain of so many things. I’m sorry for ruining that moment for us. As cliche as this may sound, I remember wishing for the song to not end, but eventually, it did too. I didn’t want to let go, at that time. Even if everyone was evacuating the dance floor already. But, I did. I remember still staying on our spot, when you told me to get something from your left pocket. It was funny because, everything was still a bit hazy for me. Yeah, I don’t pick up fast. Anyway, I finally found the left pocket of your suit and I got a letter. I remember you asking me if I wanted you to read it for me. Well, What can a girl say to that, really? So, while the class videos were playing, while everyone was being sentimental, you got me to leave the ballroom hall with you. We stayed outside on this indoor balcony they have, and with that, you started reading the letter. And, again, as cliche as this may sound, everything started making sense.

So, here I am.. 21 days after. Just to let you know, I remember every single thing that night. I know I’m not the “wear my heart on my sleeve” kind of girl, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel it inside. I miss you.

And oh, your letter? you have no idea..

Lost

Forgive me and let me be emotional for a while. I know, I have absolutely no right to feel this way right now. I can't label it but, emptiness doesn't really have a name. I can't really understand how a person can be emotional and emotionless at the same time. I guess, it comes with time. Or a stage. A coming to the adult world stage.

I sat there, watching different cars speed through the lights of the city. I sat there, thinking and wondering quietly to myself, if each and every person inside those cars were alive. Alive, of course.. but, I meant that not just in a literal way.

Tonight was the night when I felt deep inside that everything is changing. The intensity of that realization hit me so hard in the chest, leaving me gasping for more air. Change. That's the only constant thing now. And, as I slowly realized that, word per word, I felt more scared, confused and lost by the second.

So many people all around the world..

February 22, 2010.


I remember waking up extra early to dress up and to prepare myself. I talked to mom and dad for a while before asking dad to drop me off the store. I ate breakfast there, and bonded with some of the crews for a while. After a while, I was on my way to MOA.

I remember having enough time to myself. To reflect. It's funny how I'm dying to be with you, but when I got there.. I also felt like I'm not prepared enough to be with you just yet. So, when I got there, the usual staller that I am, stalled and texted my friend instead. I met up with her, and hanged out for a while until I got a text from you. It was time, and I have no choice.

I met up with you by the rink, and hanged out for a while. You were using your iPhone while I was talking to my other friend. In no other words, it was awkward. Awkward for the first five minutes. Eventually, everyone started to arrive. And, just like that, the group was complete.

We bought iceskating tickets, and I remember teasing you about having to wear a helmet, because let's face it, you are no skater. And your balance coordination is most likely zero, even if you're a bad ass soccer player, as how you have put it. But anyway, I remember getting in first the rink and skating to my heart's desires (hahaha, but really!). I remember watching you from a far, while you're trying to figure things out. It was pretty funny and you looked really, really, really cute. Ha ha. After a while, I came over and decided to help you. I didn't know whether I should laugh or get annoyed at your expression, but I settled on the first one. Patience. So, I taught you.

After some time, the group decided to have lunch and to chill somewhere. So we ate somewhere, then shot some hoops. I remember beating you then. You looked pretty funny at that time. You and your bruised ego. HAHA.

After some time, we went back to the rink and it was then when my friends decided to interrogate us about things. I remember you saying that you would never want to do anything that would make me stay away from you. I remember you, looking straight to my eyes, stating to the world, to my world at least, that this is something new for you. Happy crush, crush, like. Everything.




And just like what I have told you, you are my only exception. :)
That day was epic. :) Thank you.

You and me

It was around six thirty when we got back to school. It was cold and dark. We were both tired from the outbound. I was tired, really tired but then, I had this burst of energy in me. A strange burst of emotions, for you and for me. I just felt like I'd lose something in me if I missed that chance to talk to you that night. So I did.

I remember going out of the bus first. Feeling that strange emotion you feel when you're seated on a roller coaster in a dark place with absolutely no idea what to expect. That was how I felt. It was a mix of happiness, of contentment, of being nervous, of being shy, and just a feeling.. a feeling of breaking out. It was strange. So strange.

I remember my bestfriend pushing me. Encouraging me. Telling me that I'm doing the right thing. I remember my other friend, someone who's really close to my heart, smiling at me. And just.. being there for me. Whether I'm going to do it or not. I remember panicking for that one last time, before I saw you at the stairs, getting off the bus. Everything stopped. And then, I died.

When you got off the bus, It's as if you knew. Knew that I planned on talking to you. I was mad that night. We dropped off our things at the theater then, we walked to the Chapel. It was dark and windy. I remember blurting out random stuff and talking about unimportant things. On my side, I was just trying to brush off the nervousness. We walked to the covered courts. I just kept on talking. Until, you suddenly pulled me. "Hide," you said. I remember you telling me that there's a guard and that our school has a curfew. I needed to start.

Just like before, we stayed at the grade school covered court, near the field. For a moment, it was silent. It's funny because thinking of it now, I feel like you knew something's about to happen. And you were right. When it comes to me, you are always right. I asked you to look straight ahead at the field, to the north. I leaned at the wall you're leaning at, and looked straight ahead at the other wall, to the east. It was a windy, starry and beautiful night. And unconsciously, I started blurting out random things again. It was dark, and I needed a light. Funny thing was right after I said that, God sent us basketball players to open the lights of the Grade school covered court. From that moment, I knew then that I have no escape. That night, it felt like God decided to do the work for me. The work I was too scared and nervous to do.

I pulled out the letter and reminded you to keep on looking straight. "I'm nervous," I said that because I was. I really was. You tilted your head backwards and sighed. "If you're nervous, Imagine how I feel." I smiled because, I'm starting to see it. "You know, it gets easier after reading the first word." And so, I did. I started reading it.

At first, I was nervous. My heart doubled it's pounding and my mind could only think of what-ifs. It was crazy. But still, I continued reading. I remember catching your eyes. I stopped and demanded that you look straight again. You did, so I started reading it. I remember airplanes passing, and basketballs rolling. The field and the gradeschool covered court. Ours. You had this most gwapo smile on, and I swear.. I have never ever seen you that happy until that moment. My heart, it skipped. And then, you stood up, brought me to the bench, and caressed my face. It was the sweetest gesture, ever. And I think, if it's even possible, I fell more in like with you. You just have that power in me, you know? We talked about random things. We walked around the campus, with you playfully pushing me. And when the night ended, you hugged and thanked me. It made me feel like I'm the luckiest girl alive. That night, with you. It was the best feeling in the world.

City

11:45 ; We were hanging out on high bar chairs with my best friend and her boy when you suddenly blurted out that it was five minutes to midnight. I checked my watch and argued that we still have fifteen minutes left. You grabbed my wrist, checked my watch, and told me to compromise with you.

11:50 ; After arguing for about five minutes, we both decided that it's ten minutes away from midnight. You went away with my best friend's boy for a while, leaving me and my best friend alone. I was humming along to the music, feeling a bit off and weird cause I was sick that night, when my best friend asked me, "Are you ready for this?". I was somewhat shocked because if there's one person in this world that I trust more than anything, it's her. And when she asked me that, I felt like I was minutes away to something that I will never forget.

11:55 ; We were just there. The four of us. Observing people and blurting out random stuff. People from our class would approach us, but then they would leave too. Thinking of it now, it's as if they sensed something but, I was too off that night to notice.

12:30 ; People would still approach us, and leave. You stood up. Once. Twice. Thrice. I felt you getting frustrated. Why? I didn't know.

1:00 ; You stood up, left for a while then, went beside me. I was laughing at what my best friend told me when I felt you tap me. You asked me, "Could I talk to you?". And I said, "Sure". Of course, I'd say sure. I don't know if I have the guts to say no to you. You asked everyone's permission before we left.

1:05 ; We just roamed around the place. Made fun of each other. Glanced up the sky. Appreciated the city lights of the fort. We were just there. Talked about random stuff. Laughed at each other. There. We were just us. And, it felt effortless.

2:30 ; After some time, I felt you getting frustrated once again. You sat on the road side, asked me to sit beside you and together, we just glanced at the starless sky. I was there. And so were you. It was silent for a while. I sat beside you. Silently urging you to go on with what you have to say. At that moment, I swear to whoever, It felt like a life-changing moment happening right in front of me. I was so happy. I still am. "When we were in second year.." you started. I got distracted, or maybe that's me trying to cope up with the moment. "When we were in second year, I used to liked you." I was shocked, told you in a joking manner that I had exactly 37 absents when we were in second year. You just smiled at me and told me that even if I was always absent that school year, there's still something fascinating about me. "I hated you back then," I remember telling you that. Because, it is true. For some reasons, I really hated you back then. Every single thing about you. I just laughed, smiled and observed. I watched you stutter. I watched you cope up with words. I sat there, awed. Awed to the fact that a person like you, someone whom I used to think so bad of, would humble down for a person like me. You changed. A lot. For the better. And it still amazes me.. up to now.

"I like you."
"I thought.."
"I liked you ever since the first quarter."

3:00 ; After apologizing for reading too much mangas and after asking me to slap you, we finally stood up again. There wasn't any confirmation. On my part, anyway. You looked so cute with your hopeless face. It was so endearing. Every single moment of that night was endearing. I was still absorbing every single thing that you said, when you suddenly stopped. You pulled out your hand from your pocket, put it in front of you, asked for my hand, and shook it. "Friends?," you said. I remember that, most especially. I smiled. "Friends." We walked for a while again. I was somewhat silent. Thoughts were running on my mind. I stopped, smiled and looked sideways at you. "Weirdo." You smiled. That funny, sweet, endearing hopeless smile of yours. Honestly, it melted me. I stopped again. "Why me?" I think, I caught you off-guard. You smiled. "A lot of reasons." It was such a safe answer. One, I couldn't let pass. "Tell me." You stopped and told me to sit on the sidewalk with you again. Sidewalks, It's such an awesome thing for us. You told me words. Words I'd never thought I'd hear from you, ever. "There are many girls, I know.. but it only took one girl for me to feel this way." It was such a funny moment for me. You told me stuff. Traits that I'd never thought for myself. And, I think.. deep inside, I liked you more for that. For seeing something more in me, that I refuse to see about me.

"Say that again."
"....."
"again."
You're smiling now.
"....."
"shout it!"
You got this biggest, most gwapo smile on.

3:30 ; My ride came. It made me feel sad. I didn't want the night to end. I never did. It was such a memorable night for me. The night when I finally stopped fighting, arguing and bullying myself. The night when I finally surrendered myself to these emotions that I've been feeling for you. It was inexpressible.

The fort nightlights and sidewalks. Arts in the Park.
February thirteen - fourteen.