Change.

The only constant thing in life is change. It's a pretty scary thing, really. You don't realize it, but every single day down to its last second, change is as constant as the air we breathe. You wake up. You brush your teeth. You bathe. You eat breakfast. Then, you're off to your daily routine. You'd start to think of it as a routine, but the truth is, this so called routine is changing you.

So lucky and blessed :)

I don't express myself well to you, because honestly, I have no words for the way you make me feel.

You're mister cranky. You can be very much impatient. You snap, and you have the tendency to run away from me when things go bad. You're mister hot and cold to the point that every day spent with you is a roller coaster day. You are moody, in every single angle and sense of the word. You over-think. By so much. You always debate with me when we fight, and most of the time, I end up being the wrong one. Most of the time, you keep me waiting. You're you.

But then..

You're also mister own-up-to-his-mistakes. You just never stop trying to be a better person. Yes, you run away from me at times, but you never fail to run back to me. You love me with so much care and so much understanding, that you inspire me to also be better for you. You humble me by so much that I just want to keep trying to be what you deserve. You're impatient, and mister cranky, but by the end of the day, you're still and will always be my boy. You're moody, and you over-think, but then, that's when I see that you truly love me. You keep me waiting, but know what? that's when I learn how to trust and how to be patient, because I believe that you wouldn't ever do something intentionally that would hurt me. You debate with me, but truth is.. that's when I feel geared up. You make me feel tough, even during the times when.. I really don't have anything else to give. You pick me up, when every single bone in my body is too soft to stand up. You just.. love me, you know? And when you did, that's when I slowly started to learn how to love you too.

Nothing..

I sat there, and stared at my phone for the 894760672034570354nth time today.

I thought of how Globe has such a perfect reception at the moment, and of how pretty my current android theme is. I contemplated on whether using the full wallpaper home style, or the Sony Ericsson wallpaper home style. I pressed the unlock key, and decided not to push through with it anymore.

Never mind. This is silly.

Inside me, there is an accident. I'm on an accident. At least, that's what it feels like to me. Accident on the edge of falling off a cliff. Fully knowing the feeling of urgency, urgency of what's about to happen, yet, holding on until I can. Holding on with my hardest faith. Even if the thought of being weary, of being tired, of being hopeless by the end of the day is there, I still hold on. My hardest. For what reason? I don't know.

I guess this is how I work. With love. Love at its most ugly sense of the word. It can be tiring, difficult, energy draining, painfully choking, harsh, mundane. . . nothing . . . It can be nothing. In the end, it's just as fleeting as anything on this world. In the end, I'm just here.. begging to feel anything again. Begging to start feeling and seeing something so beautiful and sacred again. Because love, despite of what its worth, is what's making me alive. How ironic.

But for now.. I'll just stare at my phone again. Maybe, just maybe, I'd hear from you this time.