♡

Happiest birthday to the best best friend for life in the whole wide world!!
I love you to bits, to pieces and to every single fiber and atom of my human hood. Hope you had fun with me awhile ago!! :) many more birthdays and candles spent with me. I love you and Doby always, buzz light year :-*

Please.

I feel like absolute shit right now. I just got home from St. Luke's. V was admitted awhile ago with Dengue. And it sucks. I've never felt this bad for a long time, and I just feel like shit. Like, I wish I'm the one in there and not him. Like, I wish it happened to me, instead of him. Like, I wish things right now is like how it was last week, two weeks ago.. even, I don't know.

He's always been the strong one for the two of us. For me. He's always the one standing, fighting, wanting to give things another try. He's always the one trying.. always walking.. never giving up. He's always the one constant. Someone who never did fail me. Or drop me. Over anything more pleasurable than being with me. And now.. Now.. all I can think about is what if. What if I might just lose him for good, because even if he thinks I do deserve him, life actually doesn't. What if.. What if..

SHIT. This is killing me. I've been nothing, but selfish these past few days, and I don't even understand how he can feel lucky to have me, when I'm just a mess. And fuck, I don't deserve him. Not a single part of him. And it's killing me that he still acts so nice and caring and understanding and loving to me.. even when I give him my 'I-don't-care-act'. He's just so sweet, so nice.. so caring.. so understanding. And I'm just me.. someone who doesn't deserve him.

I've been crying for the past few hours.. Now.. I just want him back. I just need him back. To stand up again.. like he used to. I'm at total lost. I promise I'll be good. I promise to put myself aside. I promise.. I'll love him even more. Anything. Just anything to have him back.

Please.