The Big Fat Twenty

(Warning: This may be a photo heavy post)

You don't have any idea how horrifying it is to realize that in a few years, I would be paying the bills on my birthday celebrations. The horror!! I realized this yesterday, right when the waitresses of Midas Cafe sang me a very joyous rendition of the birthday song. I was internally cringing, not because I didn't appreciate it cause I did. I really did! They even gave me the yummiest cheesecake that wasn't a part of their buffet line up. Back to the topic, I was internally cringing because of the attention. Imagine the hotel being cozy - what with the quiet ambiance and all.. Politicians were having their coffee meetings, and some other private people were enjoying their 'relax' time, when all of a sudden, this loud music overwhelmed the floor and the waitresses cramped up to our table!! Shock would be an under-statement. I avoided restaurant places for a reason. Horrifying, but nevertheless, it warmed my heart. A girl only turns 20 once, right?

Moving on, just like what I have mentioned earlier, In a few years.. I'll be shouldering my own birthday expenses!!!!! Cue exclamations!!!! The horror! I can't possibly be dependent on my parents for my entire life. I have to start somewhere. So with this entry comes the things I have to achieve or I would love to be by the time I'm done with this decade.

1. To graduate as an Entrepreneurial student as soon as possible in DLSU.
2. To finish Law and pass the Bar exam.
3. To roam around the world with my family, and to go to different places with Alba and my girls like planned.
4. To take Masters abroad (Maybe yes, maybe no. No promises.)
5. Give back to my parents all the love and sacrifice.
6. To be happily married with Alba (Too cheesy? Hehe)

That's it. Cheers to direction!! Anyway, my twentieth birthday celebration was probably one of the most fun birthdays I've ever celebrated. But then, I told myself the same thing a year ago, so.. The point would be funny (yes, there is such phrase). I spent the morning bumming around the house since I didn't have classes. I meditated and meditated, until I fell asleep.. and dreamed beautiful dreams.. Okay, maybe not. Alba came over and he made me open his birthday present to me infront of my parents. What a bad idea that was!!!! I almost jumped on him out of glee and pure bliss! His birthday present to me was, hands down, one of the best birthday presents I've ever received!! Plus, I know for a fact that he worked really hard for my present. That boy seriously knows the way to my heart. :-) Thinking of it now still makes me smile. And by smile, I meant the biggest no-poise smile!!!

This made me smile heaps!! We have this thing about packaging. Whenever I'd give him a present, it's always properly and beautifully wrapped. :-)
And tadahhh!! A Choco Fuji Instax Mini 7s!! ♥♥♥

So there you have it! Who wouldn't squeel, right? I was so happy, I didn't even realize that I shouted! Haha. My mom even got curious cause I couldn't contain my happiness. When I asked him why he got me a Polaroid camera, he told me that we watched this movie a long time ago, and the one of lead character kept on using her camera, and according to him, I kept on gushing about how awesome it is. Haha. Wow. I can't believe he remembers those things, but apparently, he does! :-) Anyway, afterwards, V and I figured out the manuals, then we headed to Midas Hotel for my birthday dinner with the family.

With my Five years late nerdy twin :-) I love him so much, I force him to let me sleep in his room whenever I'm scared! Hehe, kidding. But seriously. Despite his occasional tantrums, I couldn't ask for a better brother.
This is when the people from Midas surprised me. Hehe. Look at me intently staring at my cake. It's a love affair!! ♥
My birthday cake :-) Hehe. A+ for the presentation!! Too bad we didn't get to finish it. We were all too full from the buffet!
Family photo :-) Hehe, love love love these people to bits. ♥
We abused Alba's birthday gift to me :-) Yay for polaroids!! (And btw, yes. I was just casually wearing a sweater.. Hehe.)
Another polaroid :-) I wanted to show my mom and dad how it works so we had a picture taken using my newest baby love :-)
Mom, Alba, and the birthday girl!! Hehe. I'm so happy my mom totally adores Alba. What's not to adore, anyway?
Look who we bumped into!! My gorgeous friend Chum :-)
With my siblings! Hehe. I love how despite everything, we can still be sweet and mushy to each other. :-)
My boy proudly posing with his birthday gift to me. ♥
And ofcourse, me!! Love love my new toy :-)
You know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. My love, my heart is breathing for this. ♥♥♥

After my birthday dinner, we then headed home. The car trip home was intensely funny and sweet. We were all reminiscing stories from our childhood and telling them to V, while V was holding my hand. I loved it. It was one of those moments when I realized that all I have and treasure in this life is right within my grasp. I was so happy.. No. Happy is an understatement. It was blissful. When we got home, V, my mom, and I had small talks that warmed my heart, then V went home.

If this is what being twenty would always feel like, I'd gladly take it. So cheers to me for being twenty. Cheers to my God for always being amazing to me. Cheers to my mom for giving birth to me, and to my dad for never failing to provide me with my wants and needs. Cheers to siblings who would always have my back. Cheers to my best friend who loves me unconditionally.

And lastly, cheers to life, love, happiness, and being twenty.

Twenty blues and what nots

In exactly four days, my teenage years will be gone and the scary, more responsible twos will mark the start of my supposedly adulthood. Scary?

When I was younger, I have always envisioned myself as the girl who'd change the world. I had a lot of things planned out - Take accountancy for college, study law after, and if God forbids, live abroad for my masters. I know, it's all easier said than done, but I was really focused. I have always prided myself on being disciplined and strong willed. It was my dreams, I shall achieve it one way or another. It wasn't until I got to college when I realized that some plans aren't meant to be pursued. I took Entrepreneurship instead of Accounting - which I never ever regret, might I add. I realized that I only wanted to take Accounting in the first place to appease my Mom. I'm glad to know, though, that no matter what I pursue, she'd always support and have my back. She understood. My mom is one of a kind like that. In about a year or two, I would graduate from College. What lies next on my plans would be to study Law. Though I didn't take up Accounting like planned, my head is still fully decided when it comes to Law. Law will be my salvation. It would be my pride and my way of honoring my parents.

They deserve that much.

I see.

It's not often that I feel so strong about an advocacy. I'm not going to lie - I was raised up with my parents providing every single thing I need. I am always in my comfort zone, and I never had to experience the real challenge that is out there. It wasn't until I reached my fourth year in high school, when I started to see the world in a different perspective. I am no saint, but I am no devil either. I have a heart that is meant to be compassionate and to love. I celebrated my 17th birthday with the kids of an orphanage my sister and I sponsored through the help of my parents. For some reasons, knowing that I have touched the lives of others makes my heart swell with so much joy and contentment. I thought, back then, I at least made a very tiny impact on the society. Perhaps. Maybe. When I got into college, I became more and more exposed with the world. I started to understand global issues - Issues that kill people, and steal from people. I walk around, and I see people on the floor, begging for his right to live. I see big companies violating labor laws, and stealing even more from the oppressed. I see discrimination, and massacres everywhere. Each passing day, I see the poor become even poorer, and the rich even richer. I see chaos, death, and blindness.

But, no.. As odd as this sounds, I believe in society. I believe in goodness of humanity - And that if one can only see clearly, then it would be the first step to change.

I see the world in a much better condition. I see a just distribution of the the world's resources to the people. I see the youth in classrooms with hope and a thirst for knowledge going through their veins. I see the government serving the people through real democracy. I see nature always more beautiful than ever. I see three meals a day, most especially for the malnourished kids around the world. I see countries building each other, instead of bullying. I see refugees being safe and sheltered. I see a society full of concern and love for one another - Because, let's face it.. If we don't have one another, what do we have?

I see spirit. I see hope. I see dreams. I see change.

Deep skies

The deployment in MYRC was such an eye-opener to me. I'm not going to lie, I dreaded the deployment before hand, but when I was at the actual exposure, I found myself being amazed and entertained by the youths in the center. The first thing we did was the introduction. During the introduction, the youths in conflict with the law were tasked to state their name, a little information about their family, their crime as to why they're being kept in MYRC, and a special talent. Every time someone would state their crime, I'd inwardly cringe and wonder to myself what lead these kids to commit those crimes at such a young age. After the introduction, we played, we danced, and we interacted for a while, before we had this circle session divided into two. At first, I was actually just waiting for the dismissal, and thought to myself how time seems to be so slow in MYRC. However, when I got to talk to some of the youth boys, I found myself having fun with the conversation. What I realized is that how their crimes seem to be so normal for them. I wouldn't say they are proud to the things that they have committed, but they aren't exactly embarrassed about it either. With this, I late noticed how they seem to not know the things that they were doing. I wouldn't say that they didn't know that they were killing somebody at that time, but the fact that they're really young when they did the offenses, and most of them weren't exactly raised in proper guidance and nurture by their parents, I would say that those youths didn't know then how wrong their actions were. The next thing I noticed upon listening to their stories is how they're kids who just made the wrong choices. Granted – Everybody makes mistakes, but theirs is something that they can't turn their backs on anymore. These kids are actually the ones really misinterpreted badly by the society. As I said earlier, growing up, they didn't have the proper guidance, so in effect, they didn't exactly make the ideal decisions either. While one decided to follow his cousin's action and murder two people, one stole an earring because that's what his group of friends do. In other words, some of these kids made the wrong decision to just associate themselves with a wrong choice of friends because they seem to lack the sense of belongingness that should have been felt in the family. Aside from this, I also learned that there are two directions that they would go to once they're done with MYRC – Either the judge would sentence them to the city jail along with the adults, or they would be set free to the real world. While some, due to the degree of their crimes, would unfortunately be surely sent to jail, some had chances. To this, asked some of them as to how they plan to direct their lives at the outside world, and to my surprise, they told me – without a beat – that they want to finish school, as hard as it may seem, and to get a decent paying job that would allow them to support themselves and their families.

After the exposure, I made it a point to talk to my father who also happens to be a lawyer. I told him some of the offenses that the boys made, and he told me the possibilities as to how their hearings would go. It really broke my heart to hear that some would mostly go to jail, like what I said earlier, I believe with all of me that the boys there are really just kids who seemed to lost direction, and who seemed to have made the wrong choices. It's really unfortunate that no matter how bad they want to change their lives now, they will be tied forever to a place that would probably further damaged them on the inside. But for the others, however, who still had a chance to make things right.. I'm really praying my hardest for them. Someday, when I reach my dreams of being a lawyer, I promise to go back to MYRC, and help the youth direct their lives with all my heart.

A short letter

Dear you.

Sometimes, God has a damn funny way of showing His love for us.

It was just a usual day when I got a text that changes almost everything. You see, in our relationship, you have always been the bigger man. You stand tall everyday despite all my petty whims and demands. You would always put your pride aside - No, scratch that. When it comes to me, you have no pride at all. You love me unselfishly with no ifs and no buts. While I, on the other hand, am full of insecurities, anger, envy.

And now, you're calling me your beauty queen.

I loathe you so much, you make me cry. It's so usual for me to only feel extremely much for you whenever you are at your lowest. I'm terrible - I know. I'm sorry. You don't deserve this, baby. You don't deserve all these things happening around you. I wish, once and for all, I can show you how much I love you. I wish I can be the one taking the hits, and not you. I wish you would still have the chance to achieve your dreams. But even so, you'd be amazing in everything else. You speak words, full of sense and intelligence. You interpret things with a unique dab of perspective.. And for the lack of better words, you are amazing.

On behalf of this sad world we live in, I'm so sorry. In the same way that I'm terribly sorry for constantly taking you for granted.

I may not always show you, but I assure you, at times like this.. You will always have me.

Love always,

Your legit beauty queen.