Forgiveness

Something is really boggling me ever since last Monday. I wonder if it makes me a rude person if I turned down a apology. I don't care. What I know is that I deserve so much more. Call me arrogant, call me every bad names you can find in the dictionary. See if I care. All I know is that I'm not a hypocrite. I won't face a person pretending everything between us is alright when it's not. My dignity is the only thing I have right now that you haven't destroyed yet. Running away from your problems that we, your friends, tried so damn hard to solve just shows that you never gave a damn about us. So, pardon me if I'm being straight here, because everything won't change if you decide to run away from your problems again.

I miss the old times, but we need you to learn. To learn how to value what you have. To learn how to accept defeat. To learn how to step down your pride. All that because, we care for you.

See you.

Her heart still beats.

Even though her eyes are frozen.

What do you do when people tend to take you for granted? When you have shown so much love and care yet, they mistook it as something else. When you chose to fight with her yet, she's the one who decided to give up?

In that case - I did what I have to do. I stopped. No, I didn't stop caring.. I didn't stop loving. I just stopped showing it. I stopped showing how much I care for her or how much I love her. She pushed me out that's when I realize that I have let go of so much self-dignity already. It's time to gain them back.

What do you do when someone pushes you out?
Quit. and put the ball in her hand.

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++ Anyways, guess what! I'll be having my recital on March 8. I can barely wait. I'll be playing Ludwig Van Beethoven's 9th symphony. I can't wait! I already did some playing with my piano teacher and dear God, someday I hope to be like her! :} I also learned that Beethoven was deaf when he made that piece. Can you believe it? The man who created his own immorality because of his music was deaf? I can't believe it myself too but, his story pushes me to work harder, pour harder and play harder. :}

++ That's all, I'm tired.
+ And oh, New layout.
Spread peace, Not war! Make love, not hate! :}

Fiction

... I was trying not to show too much emotions. Emotions that are threatening to burst like a volcano. Emotions that was building inside me for a very long time now. I excused myself and went to the crying place. The moment I locked the door, tears fell. One by one. One tear for each reason why it happened. My heart was constantly battling with my mind. Asking it to be heard, constantly screaming your name and the word forgiveness. But, I guess my mind still won. Forgiveness, as of now, is not yet my nature. And my heart, my stupid heart.. is still broken.

Thankf

A lot of things happened this past few days. A huge part of me almost broke down because of the things from the past. A lot of things brought me down. Not just my friend's situation but, just everything about me. I lost faith. I began to lose hope. I began to carry the world on my shoulders when, it shouldn't be that way.

But nevertheless, I'm still thankful. Thankful to God because everything paid off. Thankful to him because he's still so damn good to me no matter what. Thankful to him because he made my life a lot easier. Thankful because he gave me the strength to go on each day. Thankful because he made me much more stronger than before. Thankful because he never left me hanging.

Thankful to him because he returned my bestfriend back.
Thankful because he chose to love me.

trying to find a place in the world.

She cuts classes. What a stupid, selfish move.
She cuts herself. I can't very well tolerate that anymore.
She can't accept the fact that she was the dumpee this time. I'm pissed, she can't accept the reality.

I'm so tired of thinking. I'm so tired of helping other people when they don't even have the initiative to fix their lives. I'm so tired of minding other people's business. I'm so tired of fixing other people's problems. It's getting sick and old school when, I can't even fix my own life.

I'll tell you what. I have to fix my life. Not just my life but, my friend's life. I love my friends to death but, if she doesn't want to help herself, it hits me too. I live in a life where I want everyone close to me to be happy so, whenever they're not.. It affects me too, like a disease. It eats me up alive and made me think am I worthy of them? But, right now.. I just want to stop thinking. Cause I know I've long done my part as her bestfriend.

I'm so sick and tired of it. I understand her case but, that doesn't give her an excuse to waste her life over some sick bastard who doesn't give a damn about her. She's wasting the 'supposed to be' time of her life. She became selfish just because of a broken relationship. She doesn't give a damn about how we feel. That pains us.