Drowning

And you asked me, "What do you want me to do?" And I tell you, "Ask me to stay. Tell me you love me." But you didn't.

It's funny how everything can change in a span of six months. It's a given how we're wavering through uncharted territories, but I never, not for once, thought you'd let me swim through it alone - more or less drown by myself and not save me. It's amusing how I once thought I'd be the anchor that would keep you afloat from your passion, and for the record, I was - or at least I know for a fact that I gave it my all. After all, you were everything to me, and I thought that maybe, if I give you all my love, then you would do the same. You were never the one to leave me hanging, but things change. And it's stupid of me to assume that you would never.

It wasn't enough. It never was. In the end, there were no tears, no harsh and empty words. There was just us - back from the very beginning. You and me as strangers from an arms length with distance hopes for each other that things will turn out for the very best.

But really, who am I to stop you?

If I could, I would.

If I could, I want to meet you all over again.

I want to go through the first day of class, almost over ten years ago, when I first gazed my eyes on you. I want to go through the process of mustering all my courage to walk up to you and maybe say, "hi" just like how I wish I did in reality. I want to feel the nervousness and the excitement of having a blank canvas to paint our story all over again. I want to be anxious again, while silently passing my slam book for you to sign and innately feeling electrified at the thought of you volunteering to write childish abstract of what you think life is all about. I want to feel your presence, again and again and again, everywhere - including in that one homemade video where you made me fall over and over again. I want destiny or fate or whatever it is you believe in to let me bump into you again, even just for once. I want you to initiate the painting of our story with a much bigger canvas this time.

I just want you in any way I can have you.

A letter to you

Hello, my dearest

It's 2:21 AM, and I'm still awake. It has always been like this lately. I know you think I keep on staying up for the reason that I'm currently on break, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. It's always at these hours, when you're sleeping, that I'm at my loneliest. I know you feel it, too - this gapping space between us. It wasn't always there at first, in fact, people surrounding us would always tell us we're inseparable. I always felt secured with you, and I guess, you felt that way too. As wrong as it was, we were each other's world - until we just weren't anymore.

I don't know what happened. I guess I could say life is happening. I know it's partly my fault for always pushing you away. I know it's not your fault that you've been thoroughly consumed by your passion. I just want you to know that I respect that. I couldn't be any more proud of you. You're finally making it, and from someone who saw you struggle from the very beginning, I'm deeply humbled by you - if only it didn't mean losing us.

We've always battled out our feelings freely from the very beginning. Like I said, it's my fault for pushing you away all the time. It's my fault for never giving you my utmost trust. I'm sorry for always blaming you for the things that are beyond your control. I'm sorry for making you feel unloved most of the time. But do you really have to pull yourself away too?

I'm unfair, I know. But it's always at 2 AM, in my dim bedroom lights, and a cup of tea on my right, when I feel the loneliest. Despite everything, I hope you know that when I think of losing you, I die a little more on the inside. The pain is unfathomable. And I'm slowly feeling that now. Maybe we'd last or maybe we won't. Maybe in a few days, weeks, or months even, we would overcome this. Or maybe we won't. Like you said, maybe someday, in a year or two, we would be back together again. Maybe I should take comfort in that. But right now, the only comfort I can ever ask for is being engulfed in you.

I'm humbled and proud of who you're becoming, but please, never ever lose me, too.

Hello Seoul

On the month of May, my family had the sudden impulse to travel. However, we couldn't reconcile all of our schedules so we decided to just have a quick out of country trip. Since it's summer, majority of the flights were booked. Our travel agent had the hardest time processing our visas, with just a week of notice, and booking our flights. We almost didn't push through with Seoul, so we had a back up flight to Singapore just in case. Thankfully, the day before our flight, we were also able to book a connecting flight to Hongkong after our Seoul trip and our Korean visas were released! Talk about timing! :)

Anyway, these photos are basically just a summary of our Korea trip.

Ready to fly!!

This is me - hoarding the window seat - yet again. 

We stayed in Myeong-Dong! This was taken outside of our hotel. It was definitely a good pick since majority of the shops we wanted to visit were there and N-Tower was just few blocks away!

2,500 Korean Won goodness! My siblings and I pretty much splurged on this every night! 

Myeong-Dong at night.

On our second day, we went on a trip to the Demilitarized Zone. It was so amazing seeing North Korea up close. Well, maybe not close, but definitely closer than being in South. We also trekked down tunnels dug by the North Koreans in an attempt to invade Seoul. 

We were also able to go to Seoul's train station to Panmunjom, North Korea, if ever there will be a reconciliation between the two in the near future.

After our visit to the DMZ. Oh, did I mention it was his 17th birthday too! My little brother's the luckiest. Every year, whenever we'd celebrate his birthday, we'd always be out of the country!

Myeong-Dong at night! It looks crowded, but once you're walking along the streets, the ambiance is pretty laid back and relaxed.

On our second day, we went to Lotte World. I took this picture to prove to Alba that 'bump cars' can also be called as 'bumper cars'. 

This was taken inside a hot air balloon. My knees were definitely shaking while the hot air balloon was going up.

Still in Lotte World! It was such a different experience as compared to Hongkong's Ocean Park.

On the fourth day, we went to the Gyeongbokgung Palace. It's so amazing finding a traditional palace in the middle of the city. In my opinion, it definitely adds touch to Korea's distinct ambiance. 

Lol, do we blend in now?

With my beautiful mother

 

And ofcourse, what's Korea without their Korean Barbeque! I kid you not, this was the best Samgyup I've ever tasted. 

Afterwards, we took a cable car to the Namsan Tower.

Look what I found the moment we got there! Love locks!

The view from Namsan Tower.

Another food I splurged on in Korea

There were so many pretty bow hair ties I couldn't stop myself from taking some home with me. 

This was taken on our way to the airport.

I'm truly thankful we got to visit Korea even just for five days. The country truly got me hooked with their culture. I loved that even though they were big on modernization, they still manage to keep their culture and tradition. I'm insanely in love with their history - involving, of course, North Korea. In addition to this, I also can't help but get hooked with their food! Korea is definitely one of the best countries I've been to, and I'm pretty sure my family and I will be back soon.

Roadtrip to nowhere

In college, it is a given fact that I can't be with my high school best friends twenty four - seven. We wanted to pursue different careers which means having lesser time for each other. This is why I always make it a point to always immediately grab the opportunity of spending time with them.

About a week ago Aressa, one of my best friends, and I were talking about LEAP (for everyone who doesn't know, LEAP is usually a day allotted for other creational activities hosted by school; thus, it usually is a free day) and since she knew I never bothered attending those activities, she asked if I wanted to go on a road trip with her. So off we went, with absolutely no plans apart from having our very much craved for Bulalo.

Our Taal volcano view while eating.

With Aressa

Since it was cold, we decided to have coffee right after lunch. However, Bag of Beans was full so we went to Starbucks right away. Imagine our surprise when we saw lots of schoolmates there! Haha.

Always a great adventure with these guys!

Afterwards, we just went around Tagaytay Highlands then went back to Manila. It was such a beautiful day, and I'm truly blessed to have such amazing friends.