Gone

"Well, so much for my schedule."

The moment she blurted those words, she knew it was trouble. His already narrowed eyes turned ugly, and he threw the first thing he grasped on. Fortunately for her, it didn't hit, but unfortunately for him, it was his mobile phone. She took a deep breath, and told herself to stay firm on her grounds. She wouldn't let him sway her. He was at fault. He was always the one at fault. But this time, just like the few times before that, he did nothing. She stood there half expecting him to pick his phone up any moment. People were starting to look. She wondered how it looked like to others. Did they look like they were fighting? Did it look like he threw his phone on her by accident? Slowly, people began to whisper. It's funny. She spent most of her life before him trying to get out of it. Him, being the most self-conscious person that she knew, threw one last critical glance at her and started to walk away. She saw black. He was letting her clean his mess, and she would. He knew she would. It had nothing to do with love, although the word was thrown casually so often that it had started to lose its meaning. Left with no other option, she picked up the phone. She took a deep breath and willed herself not to cry. He was right. She was a cryer. Fights like this would always send her stumbling to the far most corner of the campus bathroom, all the whilst crying her heart out. But this time, she wouldn't. He was at fault. And sooner or later, he was going to realize that. She walked slowly at first, showing people through her mannerisms that she wasn't affected one bit. She straightened up her usual clumsy pose and wadded herself out from the suffocating crowd surrounding her. "Don't look behind", she reminded herself. Walk slowly. One. Two. Three. And she's out. It's funny how he was right. She was at the far right corner of the bathroom, composing herself on what she should do. Should she just go home? Should she wait until he come to his senses and apologize profusely the way he does? She should even give him another chance? It seems like that's all she's been asking herself lately. After all, he is always the one at fault. His phone started to blink. Thoughts as fast as electric lines, started running through her mind. Maybe he found a way to borrow a friend's phone and wanted to find her! Maybe he was finally going to apologize! She opened his phone and found the alert leading her to a text message. She should have known. She should have listened to her gut feeling that something different was going to happen that day. That it was all going to change everything for them -- for him and for her. It was then. The moment he so callously predicted earlier. The moment it hit her to heart, she drowned in her own misery and allowed herself to cry.

So much for this.

Tonight

Sometimes, people surprise you in a way you'd never expect to hurt.

I've been stalling myself for days since I have no idea how to write this entry without giving away too much, but since I swore to myself I'd keep track of any life changing moments, may it be wonderful or horrendous, I'm going to try my hardest.

I don't often give my trust to people. It's a fact. It's not because I often believe that people are terrible human beings, and I like seeing the bad; It's simply because I am probably the most insecure person you'll ever meet in this entire universe, though this is still subject to further research, I certainly feel like it. This isn't something I'm proud of, but since then, I've been trying my best to change -- And I did, for quite some time. Though it took months, years even to gain my trust, there it is. I knew it was there. For some time, I was really happy too, knowing that I finally have someone to lean on through the good and the bad. It was such an amazing and rewarding feeling -- Having to feel like I have someone on my side, against the world, no matter what. To me, having someone on that sense was the highest form of intimacy. It was THAT sacred to me, and I lived with it. No. I lived for it. Everything I do, I did for that relationship. I was that happy to the point that I even decided it's okay to put everything aside and to just lay my world on that person's hands. I gave that much. I trusted that much. I loved that much.

Ultimately, in the end (if you even consider this the end), everything just slapped back at me. All the love I had given, all the love I had to give, and all the love I was willing to give - all of it, down the drain. I was destroyed. I mean, how can you say that you love a person when you're consciously destroying them behind their back? I am out of words. All I can say is that I've never ever hurt as much as I'm hurting now.

An Appreciation Post

I've been trying to look for connections as to why I feel this way today. Perhaps, it's the aftershock (one week later, might I add) of losing my phone, and finding it again. Maybe, it's the unbelievably bipolar and crazy weather here in the Philippines.. Or maybe, it's the pressure of facing the unknown after college.. If I will even graduate due to all these academic stress I've been feeling lately. I'm confused and tired.. as hell. But amidst all that, you're there. You're always there.

You might find it funny, but I will never forget that day when we were riding this insanely hot car and I was kind of bitching at you, you were sweating so much, and yet, you found it in you to ask me if I'm okay. I'm probably a lot fine as compared to how you looked, but point is, you put me first. You are always there for me.. That time I lost my phone, you didn't even think about it.. you volunteered to help me buy a new phone.  That lowest point in my life when my Nanay left us, you told me that even if you were never as close to her as I was, you still love her cause she loved me, and I to her. That time when you thought you lost me, and you cried so much. That time when my favorite pair of flats got soaked in water, and you made me wear your shoes, then you gladly walked barefoot inside the mall, and dried my shoes. That time during my debut when you felt so bad cause you thought you dishonored my Dad..

You are the greatest partner, ever. No amount of shortcomings nor flaws would ever erase that. As for the connection, I don't know. I guess you are just everywhere.. in my laptop, in my room, in the clothes I wear, in my thoughts, in my heart.

Inspite of everything and because of everything, I love you even more now.

Cute Pugs, Animo Spirit and Missed Polaroid

One thing I love about college is the UAAP season. Truth be told, at first, I wasn't really much of a fan. I just really go through with it for the reason that my best friend is insanely addicted to it. He'd go ranting about it for hours, I tell you! Soon enough, because of his persistence, I became familiar with it.. The players, the game, the rivalry. It all got to me eventually. To my complete horror or amusement (I couldn't decide yet, lol), I even catch myself looking forward to the next televised game! This is if we weren't watching live.. Watching live tends to be a tedious task, though.. For the reason that scalpers buy most of the tickets.

Moving on, it's that time of the season again! Admit it. There's nothing like a good Ateneo and La Salle Rivalry. For some reasons, it's always much more intense and personal for the Blue Eagles and the Green Archers. As a Lasallian, though, as much as I love and believe on my own, I also have high regards to the Blue Eagles.. I'm pretty sure a lot of Lasallians shares the same sentiment as me. The energy, the crowd, the chants.. There's really, truly nothing like it.

So, when the opportunity came for another DLSU vs ADMU game, V and I decided for a stay in camp (for the reason that the tickets were hoarded by annoying but clever scalpers, hehe) with the most lovable pug ever right after catching Stephen Chbosky's Perks Of Being A Wallflower in the theater! Nothing like a good company while watching a good rivalry match, aye? Anyway, it was indeed a tough fight. At the start of fourth quarter, DLSU was even leading by 11 points. However, like I said, there really is nothing like a good rivalry. Ateneo's Ravena managed to catch up eventually, and man.. Catch up, he did! It may sting (a bit) that we lost, but I really believe that next year will be our year! ;)

Anyway, Sweden's photo-op!

Isn't Sweden the cutest little pug ever? 

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaa, I'm sleepy" - Sweden

Sweden and I! Love, love, love :)

Ahhh, dying!! ❤

And lastly, polaroid shots! Can you see which polaroid fails? Lol, obviously, it's the one with the fountain. V's house boy accidentally left me out from the frame.. I'm pretty sure it's not intentional, I think.. Maybe.. Heh, kidding. 

Anyway, as you can see, half-ly, V and I were wearing our DLSU shirts while cheering for the team! For some reasons, it feels much more legit that way. Afterwards, V and I had a quick dinner at his place, then he brought me back to my place.

Lovely, lovely day.

Sometimes, a title sticks with you just because.

Mind you, I'm a very forgetful person. I should probably blame it to old age, but I've only lived two decades on Earth so far. Yup. I'm very forgetful like that. But when a person strikes me and captures my attention, I would probably remember that person for the rest of my life. Take for an instance, the girl who constantly wore her old school's uniform to my university, which has no dress code policy, for the rest of her freshmen year. Or the boy who was so unbelievably cocky, I hated him the moment I met him. Or the kind sir who dutifully shows up with the biggest smile ever everyday in my university's canteen so he can clean up the mess of some spoiled college kids in exchange for scraps and what nots. Sometimes, I don't even know the person's name, but titles stick with me like that.

Don't laugh at me, but I don't really remember why I wrote those stuff up there. Probably because I remember visiting this girl's blog which reminded me of my mine. Her blog title is really catchy, and I'm sort of asking myself why I didn't think of it in the first place. I just find it so fitting with how I see people, and how I think of them.