Break downs and smiles

Hello. It's been a while since I have written in here. I have no other excuse, except the usual: I can barely keep up with my life. Earlier today, I was looking back at this blog. It's insane. I felt so immature, so mature, so sad, and so happy in an instance. I was in second year high school when I started this blog. Back then, everything was so easy, simple.. peaceful, even. Looking back, I was so sheltered. I wasn't stressed out with school, with my introversion, with my insecurities, with my boy -- well, any boy actually. Everything came in a silver spoon. I was happy and satisfied. Looking back, I'm just realizing now how much I loved my life back then. It was bliss - No complications, just in peace with my self.

 .. And then, that certain phase of my life had to end. I have to grow up, even if it means leaving my former sheltered life behind - especially that. When college started, I was, honestly, the naive little girl who didn't know what to do. I was in a block with people that I cannot, for the life me, truly relate with. Back in high school, I honestly thought my social skills weren't that good, but it wasn't THAT bad either. In college, I have never felt lonelier, despite the friendships I have built in my block. It's like I was forcing myself to something that just doesn't truly match with myself. Don't get me wrong - My block isn't that bad. I have learned to be civil with most of them, and even though I was included in this 'clique', I still didn't feel at home. Never mind that we had all of our breaks together. Never mind that we plan everything together. It's just really different. It's just not home.

 Then, there's Alba. This part honestly makes me speechless, but since I want to remember us forever, I will try to write it down. Alba and I met when we were in high school. He was my classmate at the time I created this blog, but lo and behold, I never mentioned him here. The truth is, I hated him back then. He was that type of person I would try my very hardest to avoid. I know, for a fact, that he wasn't that bad. People, well girls.. actually loved him back then. But for some reasons, he was so horrible to me, I had to use redundant phrases. Anyway, after Sophomore year, I never really thought about him - well, minus the occasional hallway bumps. He was dating this girl back then, and I truly, swear to God, didn't care about him. He was just this nuisance, along with the girl he was dating back then, at the hallway my friends and I would want to push out. Then, senior year came. You know those moments when you really felt like your whole life changed? Well, that was my moment. Senior year - I made a deal with myself to just be good. After all, it was my last year in high school.. What can go wrong, right? Senior year started out fine. I didn't even care that I was classmates with Alba. There were fist bumps, hi and hellos.. To sum it short, eventually, I realized he wasn't that bad. He was actually kind of nice. I didn't really think much about it until our class retreat. He would constantly pick on me - for the lack of proper words - in a sweet way. Knowing his reputation, though, I stayed away. However, all through out the year, Alba and I got closer. For some weird reasons, he gave me a dog tag necklace during our Christmas party with an explanation that I own too much bracelets, and he hoped that I would remember him whenever I'd use my dog tag. That did it. What was happening? I was confused, happy, weirded out.. excited even. He would message me almost every night, and we'd talk about anything like crazy. He became my confidant and my best friend about almost everything - except the thing going on between the two of us. It went on like that for a while until the love month came. That's when he explained everything to me. I was confused at first, but the more I think about it - The more it made sense. I was insanely in like with him. He was my first love. He gave me memories that I know, for a fact, I will always remember.

 College came for the both of us. At first, we were both unsure as to how we were going to place ourselves, but we went on, and on, and on, and on. I chose to stay with him rather than my block mates, and just like what he said, we faced college together as partners. He was, and still is, the best decision I have ever made. Alba taught me so many things. He gave me so many memories - horrible and beautiful. He is my rock, and the light that would always guide me through. He is that one person it would kill me to lose. And yes, despite the fights, here we are - still. Arguing as always, but never been this in love. Someday, I really pray that I'll end up with him, and build the dreams we've both thought about together.