You

It wasn't always like this.

We started out perfect. With shaky hands and uncertainties ahead, we were head strong. We went beyond anything together. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, it was you I'm talking to. At a hazy point back in time, you were the greatest confidante I could ever ask for. I'd hang to your words, because they were all that mattered to me. We can be in the middle of a big chaos, and I just wouldn't care just as long as you're beside me. You. You'd probably never realized the impact that you are in my life. Behind my 'devil may care' attitude and insecurities, you'd most likely never discern that you were all that mattered. Behind my pride and all, it was just you.

Comfortability. I know everybody craved for it, especially you. For some reasons, you fail to realize just how much of a wonderful world you live in. You are constantly looking for ways to belong. I'd love to tell you that you do, that in that one song you jokingly said to me prior to our relationship, you belong with me. But that wasn't always enough. It was barely enough. Time and time through, every single thing just brought me to the scariest pitfall I tried to avoid from the very first day of our relationship -- loneliness. I was lonely for you, and you were very comfortable with me. So there you go, behind my back, doing all hideous things that eventually led to where we are now.

Maybe it wasn't your fault. After all, this is a relationship, and it takes two to tango. Maybe I clung to you too hard. Maybe the pressure of being my entire universe is too much. Maybe the hurtful words I said struck you beyond tired as well. Maybe in the same way that you are comfortable with me, I became too comfortable with you in my own disjointed ways. Maybe I was always asking for too much. Maybe it was my pride. Or maybe, it was just me.

I wish you'd realize that this isn't something I wanted to happen. I was all set for you, and I believe, despite how we are now, that I did everything for you as well. For all the low words I have said and disgusting things I have done, I loved you beyond everything. You are right. How we were then doesn't deserve how we are now. It's chaotic and hurtful. I hope that someday, we can remove ourselves from this hollow hole that keeps on getting bigger. I hope that someday, all the 'maybes' will be turned into assurances. I hope that someday, there will be trust again. I hope that someday, we can be like how we were before all this chaos began.